The other night, I walked into the bathroom and flipped the light on. A blazing white streak caught my eye. Motionless, I stared at the figure in the mirror. A one inch white streak followed the part of my hair running from front to back on the top of my head. “Oh my gosh….it’s the skunk effect,” I exclaimed with horror. “How did that get there so fast?”, I asked myself.
Could it be the lights shinning so brilliantly on the roots of my hair or does it reeeally look that bad? I wondered. Maybe if I move the part around I’ll find a spot where it doesn’t look so stand-out-ish. No luck. Darn.
I had to cancel my hair appointment last week because of the cold virus thing. Sam (Michelle), my stylist didn’t know if she could fit me in before Christmas, but said to call when I was feeling better. SAAAAAM, Pleeeeease help me. If this fails, I guess I could wear a hat out in public until she is back from holidays in January.
Speaking of hair, why is it that your eyebrows start to do funny things once you reach a certain age? For the last few months, my eyebrows have become soooo unmanageable. Every morning when I wake up they are pointing straight up toward my forehead. I try to smooth them back down, but they won’t budge. Stubborn things. I hate this. Why does this happen? I just imagine people looking at me saying to themselves, “What’s the matter with her eyebrows?”
I have a vanity mirror on the bathroom counter. By the way, why do they call it a vanity mirror? Is it for the reason I think? Vain. Anyway. I bent over and looked in the mirror. To my horror, my cheeks were sagging. And I don’t mean a little either. I mean a lot. Hey….. I just had a thought . That must be the reason that if I’m chewing something and I have to bend over to pick something up, I always end up biting the inside of my cheek. I hate when that happens. It hurts. I have to remember. Don’t bend over while chewing because your cheeks sag and get between your teeth.
And why does one get skin tags all over their body when one reaches a certain age? I never had any before. They just started showing up one by one. Where do they come from? I hate this. To make matters worse, they are socially unacceptable. I know this because I saw the commercial. You know the one where the little girl reacts with a display of disgust at a skin tag she finds on her mother while they are in the pool? The only reason I haven’t rushed out to buy the product is because I have so many tags that I’m afraid I’ll end up with burn hole marks all over my neck. I’m debating which is worse.
Enough of these silly thoughts, Marianne. People might think (gasp) you’re weird.
Secretly, I want to be weird. I’m tired of playing the sensible one. The serious one. The reserved one. I want to be weird. The weirder the better. When people say I’m weird, I’ll say thank you. Seriously. In 2011, I will become more weird and have lots of fun. I think I’ve just made another new year’s resolution.