I read a blog post by Kathy at Lake Superior Spirit who talked about writing without thinking. If you’ve read some of my posts it may seem that maybe I didn’t give much thought to them, but the truth is, I gave a lot of thought to them. I’d get ideas and quick go write them down and I’d prepare in rough what I wanted to write also. This time, I decided to NOT do that. I’m just going to write as I go with whatever pops out. I just wish I had some pictures to post too.
It’s been a number of weeks since my last post on this site as well as my Personal Transformation Enthusiast site. I have two reasons for this; one is that I’ve been experiencing great pain and discomfort, the second is that I’ve had some client bookkeeping that I just had to get done. That’s about all I could handle. However, I did manage to squeak in a seminar that I found out about when I went to my local health food store for some supplies. I’ll tell you about that also. It was awesome!
It’s amazing what severe pain and discomfort can do to a person’s ability to be productive, upbeat and enthusiastic. About five weeks ago, I went to the doctor because I had pain on my right side that went around to my back. She asked some questions, had me do a urine test and told me that I had a urinary tract infection and prescribed a week’s supply of antibiotics. She also gave me a requisition for an ultrasound and told me that if the pain didn’t go away after taking the antibiotics I should get the ultrasound done.
I took the antibiotics and the pain seemed to go away. But then, I started having severe stomach pain with lots of bloating, belching (that would put any male person to shame I’m sorry to admit) and muscle spasms. Now, my stomach situation has not been good for a long time and of course I blame the Rheumatoid meds I’ve taken and have to take for this mess and as you can see I’m not very happy about this situation. In fact, it makes me downright angry. I’m angry because it’s just one more health thing that I have to deal with. I’m angry because it hurts. I’m angry because it takes away my ability to get things done and I don’t feel much like socializing or talking to people when I feel like this.
Most of all, I’m scared. I’m scared because I don’t know what is causing this problem. Something has to be causing this huge amount of pain. I haven’t been able to eat much for weeks. I think I’ve lost about seven pounds. I absolutely could not tolerate a salad. I was up all night with pain because I ate one. So, I heat up a pot of spinach, kale, sprouts, carrots and eat that. I toast rice bread and smother it with almond butter, pumpkin seed butter or sunflower butter. I drink beet juice and sauerkraut juice. Sometimes I have oatmeal and blueberries or yogurt and blueberries. Still, there is a lot of pain and it just keeps getting worse.
I went to the Naturopath who prescribed some herbs to help with the stomach acid and some drops that help with drainage, apparently. I already had a supply of a prescription acid blocker from the doctor. I tried the acid blocker first with little success then I went to the herbs with somewhat success. Don’t really know about the drops yet because I went back to the prescription acid blocker to be able to sleep at night.
Somewhere along the line the pain on my right side returned and it goes around to my back. I don’t know when this happened because it’s all just a blur. One pain leads into the next and the next and the next until you have no idea when or how long you’ve actually had it. At least, that’s my experience. I think my stomach felt okay before this urinary tract infection and antibiotic episode, except for the pain on the right side which prompted the whole trip to the doctor in the first place.
As I sit here and write this I have to cough and remember that it hurts to cough. It hurts to sneeze. It hurts to laugh. It hurts to yawn. It hurts to take a deep breath. So I don’t. I stop myself from doing any of these actions. The pain in the stomach is unbearable and the pain on the right side is unbearable.
I booked the abdomen ultrasound. I have to fast twelve hours and the appointment is Thursday at noon. I have a doctor’s appointment on Friday morning. I hope that the ultrasound shows what the problem is because it doesn’t make sense that nothing can cause this amount of pain. I just hope I don’t have to go through a bunch of other tests to find out what the cause is. It takes too much time and I’m getting weary of this.
On another note, I mentioned that I went to a workshop over the last few weeks. The workshop is called,” Out of Your Mind”. It is done by Grant Rawcliffe. Grant is from Breslau. The workshop is one and a half days. It’s worth every minute. Prior to the workshop, Grant holds a three-hour seminar called, “The Third Conversation”. It is no charge and it’s jam-packed with lots of content. Grant has a lot of personal experience with what he teaches. By the way, these seminars are available by teleseminar also. Distance is not a problem. The “Out of Your Mind” workshop is “to accelerate your ability to detach yourself from your mind so that you can overcome its gravitational pull and connect to the peace and joy that lies inherently within you” (excerpt taken from Grant’s hand out).
Through Grant’s workshop I was able to uncover another unhelpful belief that I’ve had all my life. That was just one of the benefits. All my life, I’ve believed that anger is NOT good. Anger hurts people and should not be experienced. A few days after the first part of the workshop, I was working at the computer and someone knocked on the door. I had the window open on the door so I could hear someone rustling papers at the door. Usually, I don’t answer the door because I figure if there not invited I don’t want to talk to them and besides I might be in my pajamas or something cool during these hot days. But, I decided to go find out who was at the door. As I approached, I saw a young man who was holding a clip board with some fancy graphs. Behind him was a young woman who looked like a trainee. I realized they were from the utilities company that sends around young people, probably after getting them all fired up about how much money they can earn and how much of a savings they offer to people who are getting gouged from their local utility companies.
The young man states that he is from the hydro and wants to see the utility bill. I reply that I have nothing to do with the household bills. The young man doesn’t go away. He wants to tell me all about his service, after all, he was training a new person and had to show how it’s done. I kept interrupting to tell him politely that I wasn’t interested and didn’t have anything to do with the utilities. The young man was persistent. I got angrier and angrier until I was shaking inside. I just wanted him to go away, but he didn’t listen to my rejections. I tried not to appear angry and I didn’t want to shut the window in front of him, even though I thought about it. Finally, he went away as we both mumbled something. Hours later, I still thought about the incident and how I handled it all wrong. He got to me and I let him and I didn’t like that. I figured if I stayed calm I could have handled the situation better. I made myself wrong for getting angry and continued to think about it for days.
This was a perfect scenario for the second part of the workshop. I shared my experience at the workshop. I learned that I wasn’t accepting reality, which was, I was angry. I tried to NOT be angry and THAT made me feel uncomfortable because I was going against reality. It’s okay to be angry, it’s just not okay to act out of anger if it hurts someone or something. In fact, I could have told this young man that I was angry, instead of trying to hide it. I learned that I need to be truthful about the fact that I do get angry and be truthful about the things that make me angry. The best part is that I’m okay with that. I get it now. I highly recommend Grant’s workshops. He’s offering a six-week program in October. I’m definitely looking forward to it.
In addition to finding Grant, I discovered Byron Katie several months ago. I’ve been perusing her books and downloading free stuff from her website. Katie had a personal experience that totally transformed her outlook. She became a different person because of it, much like Eckhart Tolle with his personal experience that changed his life. Each of them write about their stories in their books. I love reading their books, however, it’s a bonus to actually attend workshops where you can practice the exercises and connect with others. In addition, Grant has plans for ongoing support for people to really get good at living day-to-day with peace and joy.
Enough writing without thinking for one night I think. Good night all!