The Future is Now

New year celebration!

New year celebration!

The thing I love about blogging on WordPress and posting updates on Facebook is that, whether I like it or not, my life is on record. That is, parts of my life are on record.

Having a record comes in very handy as we come to the end of another year. I can travel back in time to view snippets of life’s moments. For instance, I see that I began 2012 in the same way I’m ending 2012: focused on diet.

In January 2012, I learned that Dr. Terry Wahls healed from MS through diet.

In February, I learned that Joe Cross healed from a rare autoimmune disease and lost 100 lbs through a change in diet.

In March, I learned that Anita Moorjani healed from stage four Lymphoma, although, diet had nothing to do with it. That experience, was a very out-of-the-ordinary occurrence. I’d say; a miracle.

During the year, I noticed that health challenges were up and down for me, as was sticking to a healthy eating program.

Still, through it all, I have come to the conclusion that the foods I eat affect the level of RA symptoms I experience and in fact, they affect how I feel generally.

Yet, because of an event that occurred the year prior; I learned In The End, Only Love Matters.

And so, I have learned not to stress myself out over the little stuff, like diet, health challenges, financial challenges, silly drivers, etc.

I learned that I must make the best of each day no matter what seems to be going on in the moment because how I think, feel and react to what is going on in the moment is creating my future.

“The future is Now;” when I heard Ti Caine say these words, a light bulb went on.

To me, this statement means; if you’re not changing what you’re thinking, doing,  how you’re feeling or reacting in the moment, chances are, you’ll be doing exactly the same things a year from now and you’ll wonder why your life is the same.

Been there; done that. And, still doing it, to a point.

Even though, I learned about Love and I learned about Gratitude, it’s in the moment-to-moment practice where it really counts.

So — by this time next year, I want to say, I’m the proud owner of a “clean” body (clean being detoxified of allergens and toxic substances), I increased my income by $400 a month and I increased my level of peace, joy and gratitude.

I guess, another way of saying “the future is Now” is: We create our future each and every moment.

If I want health, abundance, peace, joy and gratitude in future, I have to make the choice Now —  in each and every moment.

And so, this blog post amounts to my way of pondering, picturing and planning the best year ever.

Wishing everyone many blessings and thank you very much for visiting, reading and commenting on the blog.

May we love lots, laugh lots and live lots. And may 2013 be your best year ever!


A Moment of Clarity

A piece of the Light

At 6:00 a.m. my stomach burned with the acid created from ingesting the prescribed pharmaceutical drugs to treat the rheumatoid arthritis diagnosis. Feeling tired and wanting to sleep, I wasn’t impressed with this moment of stomach pain.

I had a choice. I could either get up and take a pharmaceutical acid-blocker or I could practice present moment awareness (mindfulness). Since I’m involved in the “Managing Pain Mindfully” program, I chose the present moment.

I relaxed my body and brought my awareness to my abdomen to feel the pain.

What does it feel like? Burning and uncomfortable.

I’m reminded of something that I learned from reading Lester Levenson’s writings. Lester suggests to ask yourself, “Who am I?”.

An image came to my mind.

A huge golden light with light-rays shining forth much like the sun. I am a ray of that Light. Okay, maybe not the whole ray, a piece of ray. I am connected to the Greater Whole Light along with 7 billion humans, the earth and rocks, vegetation, animals, stars, planets, everything we see and everything we don’t see. This Light is Life Itself. I am a piece of this huge golden light; the creative intelligent life-giving energy of Love Itself.

As I contemplated the image, I felt immediate relief from stomach pain and burning. Shortly thereafter, I fell back asleep.

I may get a different answer the next time I ask myself, “Who am I?”. But for now, the image of Light and Love makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

By the way, this post is my 100th for this blog. It’s an accomplishment for me. Yay, Marianne.

And thanks for reading. Hope everyone has a fantastic day!

What’s up?

A snail's pace.

Time fly’s, but as for me, I’m traveling at a snail’s pace. Sometimes I feel that if I were any slower I’d be movin’ backwards (which is actually the truth some days).

I don’t know about you, but I feel that there is just SO much to do and so much I want to do as well. Sometimes overwhelm is just a thought away. I try to avoid that thought.

I blame the rheumatoid disease for the lethargy I feel which is true because when the disease is under control more so, I have a lot more energy. Over the last month I’ve chipped away at stuff I need to get done and stuff I want to get done in between periods of intense pain and inflammation.

Sometimes I’m okay with the snail’s pace because it gives me a chance to pause and be present in the moment. Other times, it just frustrates me. The frustration can quickly lead down a spiraling path to you know where, so I’ve been considering resurrecting my 100 day gratitude challenge. Would anyone like to join in?

There are a couple of new developments in my life for which I’m really really grateful. One is that I’ve got a new juicer. I’ll post a blog with more on that topic later. The other is, I have a guest post on Bliss Habits.

The topic at Bliss Habits this week is “moxie”. I wrote a personal story about the year I fought for my son’s life. The title is, “It takes Moxie to confront the school board and follow your Bliss.” (click here to read).

Bliss Habits, is where Kathy Sprinkle is conducting an experiment to cultivate the habit of bliss. Her goal is to add more bliss to everyday life and help others who want to play along. Bliss is defined as;

 supreme happiness; utter joy or contentment.

Kathy determined there are 13 virtues that lead to bliss. Each week Bliss Habits explores one of the 13 virtues. Here they are;

My Thirteen Virtues of Bliss are:

joy, order, creativity, passion, whimsy, serenity, inquiry,

community, romance, gratitude, moxie, humility, and surprise

Kathy states on her welcome page;

Each week I concentrate on one of these virtues. I find resources for study, sources of inspiration and I come up with games to play. I create “Bliss Initiatives,” which are concrete things anyone can do in their own life to foster a particular bliss virtue. Some of these things will be simple; perhaps something like Smile at three strangers today and others will be more time-consuming; make a list of the things that bring you joy today, or more complicated: hand make a greeting card and deliver it in person.

Bliss Habits is chock full of inspiration and practical ideas to bring happiness, joy and contentment to ones life. It has its basis on an idea from Earl Nightingale’s book, The Strangest Secret.

We become what we think about.

Kathy reckons that;

It is not possible to do everything I come up with. We all have busy lives and this project is intended to inspire not overwhelm! Some weeks I have a dozen lofty ideas but am unable to even complete one. I believe in Earl Nightingale’s old adage that we become what we think about so even the inquiry has an effect.

I agree with Kathy, as long as we keep trying that’s all that really matters.  Someone once said;

Progression, not perfection, is the goal.

So if you want to be inspired and add some bliss to your day check out Bliss Habits. If you want to read my guest post check it out here.

I Will Try Again Tomorrow

My blogger friend Kathy at Lake Superior Spirit gently nudged me today.  I’m glad that she did because to be truthful I’ve been in a bit of a funk since my last blog post in June.  I decided to just, write.  Babble, ramble, meander, whatever. 

It’s Saturday night, it’s nine o’clock and it’s raining.  I know that because I can hear the pelting drops on the roof and deck.  When I look out the window I see a shiny glare off the paved street.  I’m eating, again, a slice of brown rice bread toasted with peanut butter, honey and cinnamon.  Just forty-five minutes ago I finished a plate of leftover tilapia, mashed potatoes, steamed kale, broccoli, beans and carrots.  I’m not sure why I’m eating again, especially since my stomach isn’t feeling the best.  That’s part of where my last blog post left off.  Stomach pain.  Since then, I’ve had to be watchful with what I’m eating to avoid the extreme reaction I had in June.  Today, however, I threw caution to the wind and consumed a combination of foods that haven’t gone well together. In addition I took my weekly dosage of Methotrexate (for Rheumatoid disease) which is always good for acid build up and nausea. 

I’ve had to be diligent about taking the Methotrexate in addition to the Enbrel injections I receive because the Rheumatoid disease is progressing and my Rheumatologist is adamant about slapping it down with prescription drugs.  Unfortunately, I feel I’m caught in a bind because not only has the RA disease invaded every joint in my body, it is also affecting my lungs.  So, I take the meds.  I’ve tried the natural way and the homeopathic way.  A Naturopathic Doctor is part of my health team.  None of the remedies and supplements I’ve tried come close to even the limited relief I get from prescription drugs.  I wish this wasn’t so. I wish I could find a natural remedy that works. I wish I could find healing.  The prescription drugs make my hair fall out,  causes stomach problems and makes my body feel cold all the time.  The RA disease itself has caused damage to numerous joints rendering them immovable. 

But still, life goes on.  Places to go, people to help, people to meet, bookkeeping work to do, health research to do, spiritual and personal growth work to do.  To be truthful, sometimes it’s a struggle for me, which brings me to the  funk I’ve been in for the last two and a half months. 

I looked up the definition of the word “funk” and found it to mean a dejected mood and a state of fear.  I’d say that both of these terms would define the way I’ve felt for the last few months.  Downhearted and fearful.  It’s no wonder I haven’t had the motivation to write a blog post.  

Looking Up

Okay, now that I’ve acknowledged the dark side, I have to also acknowledge the brighter side because I have to admit that I’ve  been doing some great learning over the past few months.  What’s even more exciting is that I can see the growth I’ve accomplished.  I’m really big on self-reflection.  I like to be aware of the how’s and why’s of my thoughts and behaviors.  I like to observe my thoughts and behaviors and I like to scrutinze them.  I truly believe that if I have a problem with someone or something, I have to look deep inside to see where the problem comes from.  This can take some time and it’s not always easy.  Fortunately, I’ve found several mentors who I learn from. 

I began the year with a goal to make it my best year ever.  Even with my setbacks, I believe I’ve accomplished my goal.  I do have to clarify something though.  I think my real “best year ever” was the year my son was born.  My next best year ever would be this year.  Why?  Because I’ve done somethings that I really wanted to do.  Other years, I found myself doing things that others wanted me to do or things that I had to do but really didn’t want to do.  I never really had a handle on what I wanted.  My passions eluded me until this year.   

The year began with a burst of energy inspired with the help of  Wendy Pauls (see First Quarter Results Are In!).  The momentum and the experiences were exciting.  I want to say that I’d like the energy of those months to return, but I have to live in the NOW and accept what IS to keep moving forward, especially if I’m ever going to embody that “grandeur” vision I have for myself (see Comtemplating Life). 

Wendy shared a quote that resonated with me. Here it is; “Courage doesn’t always roar.  Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.'”

Physical Pain and Out of Your Mind

I read a blog post by Kathy at Lake Superior Spirit who talked about writing without thinking.  If you’ve read some of my posts it may seem that maybe I didn’t give much thought to them, but the truth is, I gave a lot of thought to them.  I’d get ideas and quick go write them down and I’d prepare  in rough what I wanted to write also.  This time, I decided to NOT do that.  I’m just going to write as I go with whatever pops out.  I just wish I had some pictures to post too.

It’s been a number of weeks since my last post on this site as well as my Personal Transformation Enthusiast site.   I have two reasons for this; one is that I’ve been experiencing great pain and discomfort, the second is that I’ve had some client bookkeeping that I just had to get done.   That’s about all I could handle.  However, I did manage to squeak in a seminar that I found out about when I went to my local health food store for some supplies.  I’ll tell you about that also.  It was awesome!

It’s amazing what severe pain and discomfort can do to a person’s ability to be productive,  upbeat and enthusiastic.  About five weeks ago, I went to the doctor because I had pain on my right side that went around to my back.   She asked some questions, had me do a urine test and told me that I had a urinary tract infection and prescribed a week’s supply of antibiotics.  She also gave me a requisition for an ultrasound and told me that if the pain didn’t go away after taking the antibiotics I should get the ultrasound done.

I took the antibiotics and the pain seemed to go away.  But then, I started having severe stomach pain with lots of bloating, belching (that would put any male person to shame I’m sorry to admit) and muscle spasms.  Now, my stomach situation has not been good for a long time and of course I blame the Rheumatoid meds I’ve taken and have to take for this mess and as you can see I’m not very happy about this situation.  In fact, it makes me downright angry.  I’m angry because it’s just one more health thing that I have to deal with.  I’m angry because it hurts.  I’m angry because it takes away my ability to get things done and I don’t feel much like socializing or talking to people when I feel like this.

Most of all, I’m scared.  I’m scared because I don’t know what is causing this problem.  Something has to be causing this huge amount of pain.  I haven’t been able to eat much for weeks.  I think I’ve lost about seven pounds.  I absolutely could not tolerate a salad.  I was up all night with pain because I ate one.  So, I heat up a pot of  spinach, kale, sprouts, carrots and eat that.  I toast rice bread and smother it with almond butter, pumpkin seed butter or sunflower butter.  I drink beet juice and sauerkraut juice.  Sometimes I have oatmeal and blueberries or yogurt and blueberries.  Still, there is a lot of pain and it just keeps getting worse.

I went to the Naturopath who prescribed some herbs to help with the stomach acid and some drops that help with drainage, apparently.  I already had a supply of a prescription acid blocker from the doctor.  I tried the acid blocker first with little success then I went to the herbs with somewhat success.  Don’t really know about the drops yet because I went back to the prescription acid blocker to be able to sleep at night.

Somewhere along the line the pain on my right side returned and it goes around to my back.  I don’t know when this happened because it’s all just a blur.  One pain leads into the next and the next and the next until you have no idea when or how long you’ve actually had it.  At least, that’s my experience.  I think my stomach felt okay before this urinary tract infection and antibiotic episode, except for the pain on the right side which prompted the whole trip to the doctor in the first place.

As I sit here and write this I have to cough and remember that it hurts to cough. It hurts to sneeze.  It hurts to laugh.  It hurts to yawn.  It hurts to take a deep breath.  So I don’t.  I stop myself from doing any of these actions.  The pain in the stomach is unbearable and the pain on the right side is unbearable.

I booked the abdomen ultrasound.  I have to fast twelve hours and the appointment is Thursday at noon.  I have a doctor’s appointment on Friday morning.  I hope that the ultrasound shows what the problem is because it doesn’t make sense that nothing can cause this amount of pain.  I just hope I don’t have to go through a bunch of other tests to find out what the cause is.  It takes too much time and I’m getting weary of this.

On another note, I mentioned that I went to a workshop over the last few weeks.  The workshop is called,” Out of Your Mind”.  It is done by Grant Rawcliffe.  Grant is from Breslau.  The workshop is one and a half days.  It’s worth every minute.  Prior to the workshop, Grant holds a three-hour seminar called, “The Third Conversation”.  It is no charge and it’s jam-packed with lots of content.  Grant has a lot of personal experience with what he teaches.  By the way, these seminars are available by teleseminar also.  Distance is not a problem.  The “Out of Your Mind” workshop is “to accelerate your ability to detach yourself from your mind so that you can overcome its gravitational pull and connect to the peace and joy that lies inherently within you” (excerpt taken from Grant’s hand out).

Through Grant’s workshop I was able to uncover another unhelpful belief that I’ve had all my life.  That was just one of the benefits.  All my life, I’ve believed that anger is NOT good.  Anger hurts people and should not be experienced.  A few days after the first part of the workshop, I was working at the computer and someone knocked on the door.  I had the window open on the door so I could hear someone rustling papers at the door.  Usually, I don’t answer the door because I figure if there not invited I don’t want to talk to them and besides I might be in my pajamas or something cool during these hot days.  But, I decided to go find out who was at the door.  As I approached, I saw a young man who was holding a clip board with some fancy graphs.  Behind him was a young woman who looked like a trainee.  I realized they were from the utilities company that sends around young people, probably after getting them all fired up about how much money they can earn and how much of a savings they offer to people who are getting gouged from their local utility companies.

The young man states that he is from the hydro and wants to see the utility bill.  I reply that I have nothing to do with the household bills.  The young man doesn’t go away.  He wants to tell me all about his service, after all, he was training a new person and had to show how it’s done.  I kept interrupting to tell him politely that I wasn’t interested and didn’t have anything to do with the utilities.  The young man was persistent.  I got angrier and angrier until I was shaking inside.  I just wanted him to go away, but he didn’t listen to my rejections.  I tried not to appear angry and I didn’t want to shut the window in front of him, even though I thought about it.  Finally, he went away as we both mumbled something.  Hours later, I still thought about the incident and how I handled it all wrong.  He got to me and I let him and I didn’t like that.  I figured if I stayed calm I could have handled the situation better.  I made myself wrong for getting angry and continued to think about it for days.

This was a perfect scenario for the second part of the workshop.  I shared my experience at the workshop.  I learned that I wasn’t accepting reality, which was, I was angry.  I tried to NOT be angry and THAT made me feel uncomfortable because I was going against reality.  It’s okay to be angry, it’s just not okay to act out of anger if it hurts someone or something.  In fact, I could have told this young man that I was angry, instead of trying to hide it.  I learned that I need to be truthful about the fact that I do get angry and be truthful about the things that make me angry.  The best part is that I’m okay with that.  I get it now.  I highly recommend Grant’s workshops.  He’s offering a six-week program in October.  I’m definitely  looking forward to it.

In addition to finding Grant, I discovered Byron Katie several months ago.  I’ve been perusing her books and downloading free stuff from her website.  Katie had a personal experience that totally transformed her outlook.  She became a different person because of it, much like Eckhart Tolle with his personal experience that changed his life.  Each of them write about their stories in their books.  I love reading their books, however, it’s a bonus to actually attend workshops where you can practice the exercises and connect with others.  In addition, Grant has plans for ongoing support for people to really get good at living day-to-day with peace and joy.

Enough writing without thinking for one night I think.  Good night all!

Contemplating Life #2

Well Marianne, if you want to make 2010 your best year ever, you’d better hustle.  The first 30 days has expired.  I don’t like to feel rushed.  I don’t like to feel pressured.  But if you don’t take the first step, the year will pass again and you won’t be further along to accomplishing your goals.  I know, I will disappoint myself again and I’ll be another year older.  Not only that, you won’t feel the accomplishment of moving forward, you know, self-development, overcome obstacles, take risks and move out of your comfort zone. 

Okay, where do I start?  Start with a vision, that’s what the experts in the field of attainment say. If you want to do, be or have something, it must start with a vision. What do you want to create? What do you want to be? What do you want to do? What do you want to have?  Well…I don’t know.  I’ve never really had a dream or a vision of what I want to do.  I’ve been locked in survival mode, living from day to day, job to job, crisis to crisis.  Very early in life I made the decision: dreams never come true. So, why bother!

Sometimes dreams come true for other people.  I remember once I participated in someone’s dream.  It turned into a nightmare.  It wasn’t my dream.  I went along for the ride because I didn’t have my own dream.  Lesson number one: stay true to my hearts desire.  Never do anything just to please someone else.  Never do anything I have reservations about. 

I think there is more to life than meets the five physical senses.  I’ve always wondered: what is the meaning of life?  What is it all about?  What is it all for?  I spend copious amounts of time searching, studying, reading, scouring book stores, pouring though book after book.  When it’s all said and done, it comes back to one thing: if I want to change my life, if I want to grow, if I want to move ahead, I need to have a clear vision or dream of the goal.

This week, I will develop a clear vision of the goal.

Copyright,  Marianne Irvine and Grandeurvision, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.  Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Marianne Irvine and Grandeurvision with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Contemplating Life

Where did my life go?  On December 31, 2009 I decided, 2010 would be my best year ever. Yes, I’m really going to make things happen this year. I’m going to kick this RA disease in the butt. I’m going to break new ground, go places I’ve never been before (figuratively speaking). I’m going to take risks. I’m going to create a vision, set goals, list action steps and DO IT! Way to go Marianne! You CAN do it!

I’m standing in the room where most of my revelations happen, where the only paper available is on a roll.  Suddenly, it hits me like a lightening bolt.  I’ll be eligible to collect CPP (Canada Pension) in five years.  “What?” I gasp.  Mouth drops.  Five years, that’s nothing.  Do you know how quickly five years passes?  My mind drifted back over the last five years.  What have I accomplished?  What do I have to show that proves I’m moving forward?  Nothing, except maybe, more wrinkles!   Wow, it seems like, in an instant five years passes.  In the snap of a finger, it’s gone!  As if that was not enough, my mind searched through the five years prior only to come up with, the same old nothing.   

Did I just wake up?  Have I been sleeping?  Yes, that’s it, Marianne.  You’ve been stuck in your own personal nightmare, consumed by fear, worry, stress, self-doubt and self-criticism, not to mention disease.  Where is the fun in that?  Where is the creativity, enthusiasm, happiness and above all, where is the love in ALL that negative stuff?

I have a grandeur vision for myself.  Can I be a senior citizen and still become rich and famous?

Copyright,  Marianne Irvine and Grandeurvision, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.  Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Marianne Irvine and Grandeurvision with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.